In light of the unrest in the Middle East and our collective concern over respecting the sensitivities of Muslims, The LBT took time out to interview perhaps the best local source for the Islamic viewpoint: Mohammed himself. Our local Mohammed is actually a she — Islamic Studies Professor Dr. Margaret R. Von Schmeigel of Santa Marino College. Each Friday evening, Dr. Von Schmeigel hosts a radio program called “Ask Me, I’m Mohammed” wherein she fields callers’ questions about Islam. The caveat: she does so in-character as the Prophet himself. Beginning in 2009 she started a video podcast of Ask Me in which she appears in costume as Mohammed. The show draws many students that serve as a live audience.
Dr. Von Schmeigel says that her love of religious history motivates her. “For religious scholars, nothing compares with getting inside the heads of great religious figures,” she said. “Mohammed holds special fascination for me because he lived much closer to the modern era than, for example, Jesus so we can know much more about him.”
LBT: Greetings, your Holiness. Is that what they call you?
MOHAMMED: I’ve been dead for almost 1400 years so call me “happy to be here.” “Holiness” is fine but in the Muslim tradition, you should say “Peace be upon you” when you address me. Thanks for braving Friday evening traffic to be here.
LBT: Of course, of course.
MOHAMMED: “Of course,” what?
LBT: Of course, peace be upon you. [Several students chant in unison “Peace be upon you.”]
LBT: Now some of your followers have braved much more than traffic to be in your presence, peace be upon you.
MOHAMMED: No doubt about that, young lady.
LBT: Obviously, the first question on everyone’s mind is what do you think about this film “Innocence of Muslims”?
MOHAMMED: Peace be upon me?
LBT: Peace be upon you.
MOHAMMED: It does not work like that. You need to ask the whole question again.
LBT: I understand, peace be upon you. What do you think about this film “Innocence of Muslims,” peace be upon you?
MOHAMMED: Better. If you are asking me about the acting, I think you know my answer already! But I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, most of my followers today are peaceloving and value diversity. That is why we wear mutli-colored flowers today which represent the many colors of Islam.
And there is nothing this Mohammed likes better on the weekend than some good Thai food along with a cold bottle of Thai beer.
LBT: So then what troubles you about the movie, peace be upon you?
MOHAMMED: Well, I was not white and did not act like a goofball. I mean, some historians claim that perhaps I laid down with one child. But I was married to her and during that time, many had an occasional tryst with a young person. [Breaks into song.] ‘I want to love you, PYT! Pretty young thing!’ [Mohammed stands and forms a “PYT” with outstretched arms. Laughter from audience.]
LBT: Now tell us about what you thought was most inaccurate about the film, peace be upon you.
MOHAMMED: The Muslim mob of people attacking the pharmacist. It really bothers me that to this day people have stereotypes about Muslims being violent. These are baseless stereotypes that only create more divisions. [Several students nod.] There is so much richness and diversity within Islam, and most Muslims love peace.
LBT: But some say that your lord, Allah, said in the Koran that your followers must smite non-believers, peace be upon you?
MOHAMMED: Nah, it says a lot of things. It is true that I was a tough, tough warlord and spent my life waging battle. Take that Jesus! Jesus could do some crazy stuff, but he could not fight! [Mohammed stands and wields her fists in a fighting posture drawing more response from audience.]
LBT: Please do not hurt me, Your Holiness, peace be upon you. Let me ask you my next question. What can we do in Santa Marino or the L.A. area to improve relations between Muslims and non-believers, peace be upon you?
MOHAMMED: There are so many things to share, but I have always felt food is a great common denominator for all of us. I encourage people in Santa Marino to explore all the wonderful foods the Muslim world offers us. Try some falafel. Go into that Muslim Deli you walk past all the time and try the halal and the baba ganoush. It might open a door to another world.
LBT: Your are most gracious with your time, Mohammed, and may peace be upon you.
MOHAMMED: And may peace be upon you, dear woman!
[Dr. Von Schmeigel’s weekly interview program can be heard on Santa Marino College radio station on nearly every Friday evening at 8:00 p.m.]