Economics of Masturbation – Lightly Braised Turnip

Self-Stimulation Source Of Untapped Wealth Says Economics Study

Published July 14, 2012

By RYAN McDONNELL

For millennia, masturbation has been the source of much locker room humor.  The public perception is that it is the refuge of geeks and nerds that cannot get women.  Real men – so conventional wisdom holds – do not need masturbation because they can get the real thing.

Professor Meeks believes masturbation holds untapped economic value.A new study by Professor of Economics Bryan Meeks, PhD of Sonoran College in Casa Grande, Arizona suggests that masturbation does not make you a loser.  In fact, it just might make you rich.

Meeks surveyed 1,603 U.S. males between the ages of 25 and 40.  According to Meeks, the courtship process has become more and more expensive.  The average cost of a date in 2012 stands at $87. Only one in 5.4 dates results in sex when the term “date” is defined to exclude spouses and girlfriends.

With the sex per date figure, Meeks determined the cost of a single sex act for single males.  “Once we knew how much an average date costs and how many dates it took [before sex was obtained], we could calculate the cost of sex in real dollar terms,” he said.

The numbers surprised even Meeks.  The average cost of sex for the single, American male: $469.80.

Meeks and his colleagues did not end their inquiry at the cost of sex.  They also looked at its alternative.  “The cost of masturbation is remarkably low,” said Meeks.  “It requires lubricant and optional tissues or cloth for clean up.”  The cost is an average of only 45 cents.

The applications of these findings cannot be overemphasized, said Meeks.  “If you consider how much money is saved by masturbation, the question becomes, ‘Can single men afford not to masturbate.’”

“If you consider how much money is saved by masturbation, the question becomes, ‘Can single men afford not to masturbate.’”

Meeks also compared masturbation to new oil extraction technologies.  “This is a resource we have been sitting on but only now know about, just like the recent oil discoveries in our northern states.”  Future applications might include strategies to reduce student loan liabilities or even the national debt.

“No pun intended, but I’m excited, maybe even aroused by these findings,” said Jeremy L. Patel, PhD at the USC School of Business.  “I might even have to excuse myself for a few minutes.”

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