BENGHAZI-GATE
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Benghazi scandal might have taken on yet another dimension. Facts uncovered concerning the firing of Gen. David Petraeus indicate that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton may have played a role in exposing Petraeus’ extramarital affair with biographer Paula Broadwell. Publication of this affair ultimately forced Petraeus to resign as CIA director.
BOSTON TERROR
FBI Releases High-Res Photo Of Bomber Suspect
BOSTON — In an effort to apprehend the primary suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing, the FBI released a new image of the individual obtained early Thursday morning from a spectator's cell phone camera. Authorities say that the increased clarity of the image makes its publication worth the risk that the suspect will take measures to avoid capture.
KLU KLUX KLAN
Klu Klux Klan Begins Accepting Jewish Members Into Its Ranks
The Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to release scores of undocumented detainees in anticipation of looming sequestration cuts. In order to find work for the releasees, the White House announced a controversial new plan for temporary work visas for home improvement stores.
PARTY POOPER
Sen. Rob Portman Shocks GOP By Switching Positions
WASHINGTON — Senator Rob Portman of Ohio, a rising national star in the Republican Party, announced on Friday that he has discovered that he enjoys anal penetration while engaging in marital relations with his spouse. This experience has led him to reverse his position on Ohio’s strict sodomy laws. [More]
HARD WORKERS
Obama To Grant Hard-Working Detainees Work Visas For Home Depot Stores
The Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to release scores of undocumented detainees in anticipation of looming sequestration cuts. In order to find work for the releasees, the White House announced a controversial new plan for temporary work visas for home improvement stores.
NASA/MUSLIM OUTREACH
NASA Tech To Improve Muslim Relations
According to White House sources, during President Obama’s nomination speech at the DNC in Charlotte he will announce a new “outreach” program to share space technology with Muslim nations. The program will include rocket propulsion technology sharing that many critics in the U.S. and Israel say could be adapted for use in ballistic missiles.
WORD PLAY
Sen. Rubio Believes Power Of Words Can Cure Broken Immigration System
We can all agree on one thing: our immigration system is broken. Now let us consider another thing that the Democrats often say: the GOP does not like immigrants. On the contrary, we are pro-legal immigration. And we recognize that our legal immigration system needs to be reformed. [More]
GENDER BENDER
Sec. Defense Panetta To Allow Lesbians Into Combat Roles
Women could assume combat roles in the US army for the first time as early as this year, following a landmark decision by defense secretary Leon Panetta to lift partially a military ban on women serving on the frontline. The ban will be lifted only with respect to women who self-identify as lesbian. [More]
KORAN KAPER
By RAMESH RHAMJAMI
Even as the final touches were being put to the bunting and the ballrooms for Monday’s inauguration festivities, the Obama family was preparing a favorite family artifact for the swearing in. “This second time around we are going to include a family heirloom,” said First Lady Michelle Obama.
LEGAL BEAT
Girls Going Wild Sued For Using Fake Muslim Girls
By RAMESH RHAMJAMI
A class action lawsuit filed on Thursday asks an important question about the responsibilities of reality television. In particular, do producers of reality programming have a legal duty to not misrepresent the “reality” of their products? At the center of the suit is class representative Daniel Faber, a 21-year-old Santa Marino resident.
OBAMA'S TRANSITION
Obama To Let Hair Down In Second Term With Style
By DAWN HYMAN
Obama's second term should bring some style changes -- including infusion of African-American soul into the White House. An unidentified friend of Michelle Obama said that she has been “chomping at the bit” to update some of the decorations in the White House but was held back by political concerns. “Michelle has great taste but before the reelection could not express herself because of middle America concerns,” said the source. STATE DEPT.
Clinton Forms D.C. Power Couple
By MINDY PEARLESTEIN
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Washington is abuzz about its latest celebrity couple, and the pair are not doing much to quash those dating rumors.
PENTAGON SCANDAL
Petraeus Emails Finally Emerge
By RAMESH RHAMJAMI
The LBT scores an exclusive look at the emails that erupted the entire Petraeus scandal. Broadwell played it tough with her perceived rival Kelley -- and outed herself in the process.
WHITE HOUSE
Pres. To Issue Order On Anti-Islam Speech
By ISABEL KERCHNER
WASHINGTON – Press Secretary Jay Carney announced Wednesday an executive order expanding enforcement of the federal “Hate Crime” statute.
