STATE OF THE CONSTITUTIONWASHINGTON — Aides to President Obama on Sunday confirmed that the president’s State of the Union address will include the announcement of a declaration to be made effective through executive order that Congress’ shall become “advisory.” The purpose the executive order will be to counter Congress’ inaction on a number of legislative fronts.
FIRST [DE-]COUPLEWASHINGTON – While Michelle parties in Hawaii and dances with ex-heavyweight champ Evander Holyfield, Obama stews in a political bloodbath as his healthcare law turns disastrous. Friends for both sides comment while the nation keeps its fingers crossed.
PUSSY RIOTWASHINGTON – The number of reported sexual assaults across the military shot up by more than 50 percent this year, an increase that defense officials say reflects their success in encouraging female service members to report sexual assault.
NSA FIGHTING HATEWASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House announced plans for the NSA to begin screening emails of U.S. citizens for insensitive racial or cultural content. The plan has stirred controversy.”
RACIAL JUSTICEWASHINGTON, D.C. – George Zimmerman may be celebrating now, but his sense of relief may be short-lived. Within 30 minutes of his acquittal, Attorney General Eric Holder tweeted: “#Zimmerman Smile while you can. There's a brother in the White House.”
AMICAE CURIAEImmediately following the Supreme Court's gay marriage rulings, Justices Kagan and Sotomayor confirmed rumors by embracing and kissing in front of the rest of the panel. They plan to wed in September.
As another hot summer descends on most parts of the country, more and more American women find themselves in an all too familiar quandary: not enough full service nail salons. Latricia Bell of Westchester, PA says that for years her salon of choice – Magnifique Nails – closed too early or was not open on Sundays when she needed it. “My look would get old but I couldn’t get an appointment after work,” she said.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A brilliant, retentive intellect, a gift for flourishing notwithstanding sharp-elbowed politics, and a dynamic partner that twice won the White House. The truth is, these forces actually did not take Hillary Rodham Clinton from a medium-sized Midwestern law firm to the White House, the U.S. Senate and, finally, the Secretary of State’s office. Sheer grit and old-fashioned determination did.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Benghazi scandal might have taken on yet another dimension. Facts uncovered concerning the firing of Gen. David Petraeus indicate that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton may have played a role in exposing Petraeus’ extramarital affair with biographer Paula Broadwell. Publication of this affair ultimately forced Petraeus to resign as CIA director.
BOSTON — In an effort to apprehend the primary suspect in the Boston Marathon bombing, the FBI released a new image of the individual obtained early Thursday morning from a spectator's cell phone camera. Authorities say that the increased clarity of the image makes its publication worth the risk that the suspect will take measures to avoid capture.
KLU KLUX KLAN
The Department of Homeland Security has announced plans to release scores of undocumented detainees in anticipation of looming sequestration cuts. In order to find work for the releasees, the White House announced a controversial new plan for temporary work visas for home improvement stores.