CELTICS 4.0
Rebuilt Celtics Should Fit Team's Ethnic White Theme By Putting White Players On The Floor
My opinions in the column may be seen by some as controversial. To avoid any misimpressions, I will preface my comments. The Boston Celtics lick their wounds this week after another drubbing by the New York Knicks buries them in a 3-0 playoff deficit. How far they have fallen since their championship runs in 2010 and 2008. [Full article]
GIVE A DOG A BONE
Nick-Nack, Paddy-Whack, For Those That Watched At Home, Those Who Were Dogs Wanted Bone
By TERRI MORONE
NEW YORK – The Louisville Cardinal’s reserve guard Kevin Ware has a slew of new fans. They are not, however, your average fans – they all walk on four legs. Indeed, they are canines. Ware was injured after attempting to block a shot in the Cardinals' regional final victory over Duke. The sight of his tibia bone protruding from his skin left coach Rick Pitino and his teammates in tears. [Full article]
MONSTER MASH
Wade And James Slam Opponents But Frighten Small Children
By BUTCH WITT
About halfway through the second quarter of the Heat-Indiana contest – with the Heat already leading by 12 points – a faint chorus of children crying could be heard from the stands. As the contest wore on, more and more crying could be heard. The soft crying sound rose to a din that echoed throughout the arena. Many parents escorted their inconsolable children from the arena. [Full article]
GYM COMPLAINTS
Gym Members Sound Off On Top Etiquette Breaches
By BUTCH WITT
As the fitness craze continues to grow, more and more Americans find themselves in the gym. This means sharing close quarters with others, often while naked. Consideration of others can make the gym a better place for everyone and enhance overall well-being. After all who wants to maintain a fitness routine if trips to the gym are unpleasant? [Full article]
VOLLEYBALL
Jennings/Treanor No Longer Cute Enough For The Cut
By ANTHONY DeLAURIS
Kerri Walsh Jennings and Misty May-Treanor stand at an important crossroads. Though they remain at the top of their game, they may be asked to step aside in professional competitions. The reason: lack of sex appeal.PARALYMPICS
Chinese Paralympic Team Denies “Smarting”
By TERRI MORONE
Ge Ginlyi of China’s 2012 Paralympic Team swam her morning workout, two days before she will compete in the Summer Paralympics as the world’s fastest Paralympic sprinter – and one of the most mysterious.
CRIME BEAT
They came so fast and furious on Wednesday — the cringe-inducing allegations of years of child sex abuse by former Penn State football assistant Jerry Sandusky lodged by a parade of witnesses — yet one child’s testimony stood out from the rest.
PEDS AND ACNE
Dermatologist: Cut Out The PEDs To Save Your Skin
Dwyane Wade’s and Lebron James’ dermatologist Kenneth R. Becker, M.D. has told them both to “cut out the Primobalon, cut out the Tetrahydrogestrinone.” In English, this means “cut out the steroids.”
OFF THE HARDWOOD
Wade To Launch Film Career In A Very “Chipper” Role
According to Dwyane Wade “superagent” Stan Palatine, the Miami Heat star will be making his film debut as the lead chipmunk of the cartoon classic trio The Chipmunks. The working title of the film isThe Chipmunks III – Chipmunk Dreams.
PEDS IN NBA
Wade's Jaw Size Could Keep Him From Competing
MIAMI, FL – The dynamic duo of Dwyane Wade and Lebron James might be broken up next season. The separation, however, might not be due to any trade. Instead, an obscure rule limiting the jaw size of players that becomes enforceable in the 2012-13 season might disqualify Wade from the league.
DIVERSITY
NBA Seeks To Promote “Lin-sanity” Through Rule Changes
NEW YORK – Imagine this season’s “Lin-sanity” times 30. That is exactly what NBA Commissioner David Stern wants for the league in the next several years. Speaking with reporters recently in Miami after a Miami Heat playoff win, Stern disclosed plans underway to promote Asian diversity on NBA rosters.
NCAA FOOTBALL
JoePa’s Baby And Sandusky’s Showerwater
By EDGAR WEINSTEIN
The swirl of controversy still surrounding the Jerry Sandusky scandal feels as though it might swallow all of Happy Valley, PA. It is time that Penn State supporters take a deep breath and consider the following realities that no one can ever change:
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MLB BASEBALL
Batboy Insolence In MLB Gets Ugly As Playoffs Heat Up
By BRADFORD MIEHL
As the playoffs heat up, controversy surrounding batboys' bad attitudes reaches its boiling point. Are batboys overprivileged?
