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Editor's Note: The LBT recently has discovered certain of its writers embellishing stories for effect. These embellishments are under investigation. Until the investigation is complete, please corroborate all stories before making investment or other decisions.

MODERN SANTA

Kris Kringle Opens Up About Being Santa In The Age Of Diversity

The man known as “Santa Clause” was born Kris Kringle near the hardscrabble town of Sandfjorden in the upper reaches of Norway. Kringle sat down with Peter Hartwig at a toasty café near his hometown to discuss his Christmas effort in 2014 and beyond.  [More]

RELATIONSHIPS

What To Do When Your Lady Must Lose Weight

The LBT's own Dr. Katzenberg speaks to a young man dealing with a girlfriend that could lose a few pounds.  As any man should know, a woman's body image is a very delicate subject.  Dr. Katzenberg provides a number of strategies depending on the scenario.  [More]

DEVOLUTION

Critic Argues Sam Smith Does Not Have The Musical Chops For Acclaim He Receives

Ebola remains highly contained in the U.S.  Indeed, today our worst contagion comes not from Africa but from our mother country – England.  By now nearly everyone has been exposed to the monstrosity known as “Sam Smith.”  [More]
IMMIGRATION

UC Berkeley To House Thousands Of Unaccompanied Minors

By THE LBT

On Friday, Janet Napolitano announced that the University of California will begin housing approximately 20,000 child refugees and their parents in student dormitories and trailers at the UC-Berkeley and UC-Santa Cruz campuses.  Students displaced by the migrants will be expected to find their own housing in the local community.. [More]
BIEBER UNDER FIRE

L.A. County Sheriff's Dept. Targets Bieber For Incandescent Light Bulbs

By THE LBT

Sherriff’s deputies took Bieber’s light fixtures when they used a felony search warrant to raid his mansion Tuesday morning, Los Angeles County Sheriff's Lt. Peter Thomas said.  They were hoping to find eggs with DNA matching the ones used in an egging incident in Bieber’s wealthy, Calabasas, California neighborhood. [More]
CALI GOP FATE

California GOP Gives Up; Focuses On Social Events

By ADRIAN MARKS

Weary Republicans, watching their party teeter on the brink of irrelevance in solidly blue California, finally have given up hope to expand Ronald Reagan's once “big tent” to include the millions of Latinos and other minorities that have flooded the state during the past 30 years. [More]
CROSSING STREETS

To Protect Asian Pedestrians L.A. Installs Asian Crossing Signs Across City

By ADRIAN MARKS

Almost on year ago, UCLA Pan-Asian Student Union President Wujun Chen was struck down by a car while she was crossing Wilshire Blvd. in Westwood.  Her death prompted L.A. to create warning signs for Asian crossings. [More]
ELDER SPORT

Asian Retirement Home To End Sunday Go-Cart Racing After Injuries/Lawsuit

By DONNA MABRY

This Sunday, the Dragon Oaks Asian Retirement Community in Asuza will end a year long tradition meant to bring excitement to area seniors. This tradition is Sunday night at the Azusa Go-Cart Bonanza at Azusa Ave. and E. Arrow Highway.  [More]

YOUTH PROBLEM

Elementary School Struggles With School Violence And Legislature Reacts

First grade school teacher Katie (“Kat”) Bramowitz believed Josh Brennan, 7, was “thinking” about brandishing a make-believe gun using his two hands clasped together to form the shape of a gun. She immediately suspended him for one week. [More]
WOMEN HATERS

Men Shun Local Singles Events For Older Singles -- Is It Sexism?

SANTA MARINO -- a strange phenomenon has been occurring on the local match.com website. Approximately one year ago, the preeminent dating website Match.com launched a singles networking and event planning venture entitled “Stir.”  Stir has created many opportunities for local Santa Marino singles to mingle and, hopefully, find that special one but men are avoiding events for older singles. [More]
LOVE IS A (LEGAL) BATTLEFIELD

Boyfriend About To Get Dumped Arraigned On Sexual Assault Charges

The case against sexual assault suspect Joshua Martin has garnered some media attention because of its unusual circumstances.  Generally, prosecutors do not pursue nonviolent sexual advances between committed partners.  Because the victim, however, intended to and the relationship in the morning some legal scholars believe the relationship was terminated and the advance unlawful. [More]

ASIAN DRIVING

Bad Asian Drivers Are The Focus Of Assembly Bill 21

By DONNA MABRY

Asian women have proven irresistible on the wedding alter -- but deadly on the road.The State Assembly went into the night debating whether to require Asian drivers to satisfy extra tests before obtaining a driver’s license.  If Assembly Bill 21 passes, Asian drivers in California will be required to undergo an additional driving test intended to ensure their ability to navigate difficult traffic. 

GYM ETIQUETTE

Water Stimulation At Gym Jacuzzis An Expanding Issue

By ADRIAN MARKS

In higher end fitness clubs certain members have discovered that sexual release may be obtained by “facing front.”  Facing front means using the Jacuzzi while facing the water jets and positioning oneself so that water hits the pleasure area of the genitalia. The USACA (or United States Athletic Club Association) reports a ten-fold increase in discipline or ejection of members for stimulation using Jacuzzi jets. 

PUBLIC RESTROOMS

SM City Council To Enforce W.C. Stalls For The Lame

By JENEANE KLEIN

Under California law, Santa Marino businesses must have at least one large bathroom stall for handicapped patrons.  Unfortunately for many handicapped people, the large stalls – considered the “limousines” of public restrooms – are the first choices of the able-bodied.  The result: handicapped often must wait for a stall.

SOY UNREST

Soy Sauce Unrest Spreads To Santa Marino

By ALEXANDER LEHER

At least 15 Santa Marino residents participated in unrest Sunday night over insufficient soy sauce in their sushi carryout orders.  There were two arrests. Marty Goldstein, 46 of Santa Marino, voiced the frustration of many local residents.  “I spend $40 on sushi, and my meal is ruined because I need four cents more soy sauce to finish,” he said.

SINGLE LIFE

Local Woman Has No Fear Of Not Finding A Husband

By ADRIAN MARKS

They say that the institute of marriage is non-disparagable – or so the old song goes.  Local 39-year-old Santa Marino online dater Jenny Barrett does not disagree with this assessment and, indeed, she “[d]efinitely” wants to have children with a husband one day.  That is, if you believe her dating profile.  So why does she display a diffident smirk in her dating profile photo?  And why does she not fear going childless at her age?
WATER USAGE

California Re-Using Pharmaceuticals From Wastewater

By JENEANE KLEIN

Since 2007 a water treatment plant tucked away in the northern hills of San Diego has cleaned, filtered and purified used toilet water for human consumption.  The $13 million dollar plant has supplied millions of gallons of water per week to thirsty Orange County residents.

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